Good news! In 2024, the enduringly benevolent U.S. government studied rats’ mental health, financed a Sesame Street show in Iraq, and sponsored the Bearded Ladies Cabaret’s ice skating show about climate change!
Bad news. It cost Americans over $1 trillion.
Senator Rand Paul’s annual Festivus Report has arrived, and it makes for borderline comical reading. If only this were the Babylon Bee, we might guffaw at the utterly preposterous ways in which Uncle Sam managed to waste — ahem, I mean, invest — our money.
But then again, that is our money. Every senseless government expenditure came directly from our pocketbooks — without our approval. Sure, we may have had “representation,” but I don’t recall agreeing to send Big Bird to Baghdad. Do you?
“This year, I am highlighting a whopping $1,008,313,329,626.12,” wrote Sen. Paul in his 2025 report. “That’s over $1 trillion in government waste, including things like ice-skating drag queens, a $12 Million Las Vegas pickleball complex, $4,840,082 on Ukrainian influencers, and more!”
“No matter how much money the government has wasted, politicians keep demanding even more,” he added.
Some of the most outrageous examples on the senator’s list include:
“Ghost Towns on the Government's Dime: The federal government spent $10 billion on maintaining, leasing, and furnishing almost entirely empty buildings”
“A Pandemic Plunder: A Florida man stole $8 million in COVID-19 Relief funds to buy an island and more”
“Oh Rats! HHS Spends Nearly Half a Million on a Depressing Study of Lonely, Starved Rats: The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) spent $419,470 to determine if lonely rats seek cocaine more than happy rats”
“Girls Just Wanna Have Funds: The Department of State (DOS) spent $3 Million for ‘Girl-Centered Climate Action’ in Brazil”
“A State Department Production Featuring Your Hard-Earned Money: The Department of State (DOS) paid the Royal Film Commission $873,584 for movies in Jordan”
“Goalposts and Grandstanding: The Department of State (DOS) spent $345,434 on football engagement to counter terrorism”
Don’t you feel proud?? I bet you didn’t realize the government made such a generous donation on your behalf to filmmaking in Jordan and preventing climate change in Brazil. Lucky you!
Of course, you may be struggling to pay the bills or take your family on vacation, but just know that some Iraqi kid is watching Elmo in a keffiyeh because of you. The Bearded Ladies Cabaret needed that money more than you did. (Unfortunately, their ice skating show about climate change was canceled because, ironically, it was too hot and the ice melted. I kid you not.) Next year, what do you say we support the San Francisco Gay Men’s musical about Luigi Mangione instead?
If, however, you happen to like to keep your money and would prefer not to hand it out to random drag queens, maybe it’s time to cut back on government spending. Maybe it’s time for Convention of States.
With an Article V convention, we can limit the power and jurisdiction of the federal government, impose fiscal restraints, and place term limits on federal officials. To get involved, sign the COS petition below.
Read Rand Paul’s complete Festivus Report here.
