Our crazy Uncle Joe showed up for Thanksgiving dinner this year with a teleprompter and talking points. He started out yammering about his bromance with Abe Lincoln and how he administered first aid at Ford’s Theatre. Then he suddenly said, “Where was I?” and switched to talking about inflation. He informed us that:
- Gas prices are down – and so is the strategic reserve.
- Supply chains are unsnarled – except for the ability to feed babies, which should have been aborted anyway.
- He’s saving Americans 3,000 bucks on hearing aids – because that’s clearly the root cause of our inflation problem.
- He’s tackling the burden of overdraft fees – which are victimizing Americans trying to pay $107.7 in bills with $100 of cash.
I wasn’t sure if he was bragging to our hostess, Aunt Ann, that her grocery bill for our feast only went up 7.7 percent this year. He might have been apologizing to my green-haired, Antifa tee-clad niece (we’ll call her Pat) for only getting inflation up to a personal finance rather than national economy destroying level.
There was a lot of talk about numbers – which seemed rather abstract. But Uncle Joe wasn’t talking about what those numbers meant – as in how they impacted real people.
Uncle Thomas decided to make the discussion real. He asked Joe about the impact of current inflation on the people around the table. Uncle Joe just asked for more mashed potatoes, so Thomas explained. As our hostess discovered, everything she bought for our feast was more expensive this year. Maybe that’s why she skipped the ham this year. Thomas explained that the numbers get worse over time because inflation compounds every year. He informed everyone at the table that at our current inflation rate, product prices will double every 10 years.
But Uncle Thomas was only getting warmed up. Then he switched to the effect inflation has on long-range planning. Let’s say a young couple starts a college fund on the day that their adorable new 'clump of cells' is born – assuming they didn’t partake of the healthcare offered by Planned Parenthood. That would give them 18 years to save enough for the munchkin’s college. But college tuition is going to go up at least as fast as inflation – and probably a lot faster. At our current inflation rate, our young couple will need to work for an additional 5 years to save enough for college. They better start saving way before they decide to get pregnant. Pat wasn’t concerned. She has no intention of letting any clump of cells reach college age.
Uncle Thomas then brought up retirement planning for that hypothetical young couple. Let’s say their plan is to retire at 65 to a nice little place on a golf course in Florida – and they’re saving enough in their 401K to make it happen. But then that 7.7 percent inflation hammers the value of their savings. They’ll find that prices have gone up so much that they have to work another 12 years to afford their retirement dream. Their retirement age will go from 65 to 77. That’s 12 of their golden years in exchange for Uncle Joe’s policies. Pat was starting to squirm. Not only will she have to work, but she will have to work till she is 77? That’s not what she signed up for when she committed to transforming America into a socialist paradise.
Then things got heated. Uncle Thomas asked Uncle Joe if he was doing anything to fix this mess. Uncle Joe asked if there was ice cream for the pie. Aunt Ann said she couldn’t afford ice cream this year.
Uncle Thomas pressed on. He asked Uncle Joe if he was going to put the government on an austerity budget to fight inflation. Joe accused Thomas of being insensitive and explained that we need to spend more money to help the people that are suffering.
Thomas asked Joe if he was going to lower taxes to stimulate the economy. Joe responded that Thomas doesn’t understand how government finance works. We have to raise taxes on the people who are suffering, to have the money to help the people who are suffering.
Thomas asked Joe if he was going to lighten the regulatory burden on manufacturers to lower the price of goods. Joe responded that he couldn’t do that either. In fact, he’s adding over 100 new regulations on household appliances alone – because if we don’t save the planet, inflation won’t matter.
Thomas pointed out that lowering energy costs would do more than anything to fight inflation. Uncle Joe pointed out to the group that Thomas does not understand modern economics or ecology. We have to raise the cost of coal, natural gas, and petroleum to facilitate a transition to batteries that are charged with coal, natural gas, and petroleum. Otherwise, we’ll never get to zero emissions.
Uncle Thomas pointed out to everyone at the table that just two years ago, the average house payment was $1,496. But interest rates are being raised to try to tame inflation. At our current mortgage rate of 6.9 percent, that same house payment is $2,305. That’s over 800 bucks per month more expensive – simply because our government can’t behave itself. Then Thomas pointed out that if we reach 1980s levels of inflation and interest rates, that same house payment will be $4,990. Then Thomas asked everyone, “Is anybody seeing the crisis yet?”
Uncle Thomas looked at Pat and said, “You’re never going to be able to afford a house or retire to the lifestyle you’d like. But Uncle Joe has made sure that your hearing aids will be affordable.”
She just dropped her fork and went looking for a safe space.
