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Woke publisher ALTERS beloved childhood classics

Published in Blog on February 21, 2023 by Jakob Fay

Updated February 24: After widespread backlash, the publisher announced it will also "keep the author's classic texts in print."

There’s no end to how far newspeak enforcers will go to make everything, 
as Mark Meckler recently wrote, “bow before their woke god.”

Their latest target: beloved children’s literature.

The classic works of Roald Dahl, including “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” “James and the Giant Peach,” and “The BFG,” have recently been subjected to a woke rewriting. The Telegraph reports that “hundreds of the author’s words have been changed or entirely removed in a bid for ‘relevancy.’”

The new edits have whitewashed his books of anything the publisher deems “inappropriate” from insulting comments to references to toy guns.

For example, the word “fat” has reportedly been cut from all of Dahl’s literature. Augustus Gloop of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” is no longer “enormously fat”; just “enormous.” “Ugly” and “crazy" have been cut as well.

Gendered language has also been scrubbed. The phrase “mothers and fathers” has been replaced with “parents”; “Cloud Men” with “Cloud People”; “tiny men,” “a hundred women,” and “flood of females” exchanged for “people.” In some cases, “woman,” the publishers have decided, is acceptable. The phrase “most formidable female,” for example, is now “most formidable woman.”

Shockingly, the publisher even removed entire sentences from some works.

“Mike Teavee himself had no less than eighteen toy pistols of various sizes hanging from belts around his body, and every now and again he would leap up into the air and fire off half a dozen rounds from one or another of these weapons” and “The Oompa-Loompas spent every moment of their days climbing through the treetops” were both blue-penciled from “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.”

Tragically, Dahl passed away in 1990, which means he can in no way consent to the tarnishing of his work. Not only does this prove the insanity of woke censorship, but it also proves that not even past works are safe from the ever-editing hand of the woke religion and god.

It’s only a matter of time before “Little Women” becomes “Little Females,” “The Hobbit” becomes “The Vertically Challenged Person," and “Harry Potter,” “Peter Pan,” and Doctor Seuss are banned from shelves completely.

The only question is: will we let them?

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